https://www.theonion.com/nation-s-girlfriends-admit-absolutely-everything-riding-1819576156

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WASHINGTON—Confirming that it’s “all come down to this,” the nation’s girlfriends admitted Thursday that, despite anything they may have said or implied in the past, absolutely everything hinges on the outcome of this Valentine’s Day. Describing the evening as “the indisputable make-or-break moment of our relationships,” the girlfriends explained that if Valentine’s Day fails, in any way, to live up to their standards, or if at any point they sense that not enough effort went into the occasion, then things are as good as over. “Look, I’m gonna cut the shit here: I’ve basically funneled all my hopes for the future into this one night in which my boyfriend must achieve perfection, or ... Full story

13 February

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