https://www.theonion.com/cdc-recommends-also-wearing-face-mask-on-back-of-head-i-1841669382

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ATLANTA—As documented cases of the disease increased and more Americans wanted to take proactive measures to avoid infection, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reportedly recommended Thursday also wearing a face mask on the back of one’s head in case the coronavirus attacks from the rear. “Given the ruthless efficiency at which the coronavirus can spread, we’re advising all Americans that wearing a face mask over your mouth is insufficient to fully protect yourself from any particularly wily strains of the virus sneaking up behind you and catching you unaware,” said CDC principal deputy director Anne Schuchat, explaining that the coronavirus was a notoriously sneaky disease and put anyone who didn’t adequately safeguard their back and the sides of their body at imminent risk. “Look, this is a disease that plays dirty, and in that respect, it’s much worse than SARS. You’ll need to have all your wits about you if you intend to stay one step ahead of its wicked grasp. You ... Full story

13 February

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